he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
