I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
