tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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