I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
try to milk me bitch
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