my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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