I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
