True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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