I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
