did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
