Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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