This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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