Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
