everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize