living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize