But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
