I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
