just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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