I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
