I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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