After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
