so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
