It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
