I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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