Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
