Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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