The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
