This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Less talking, more tequila
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
