Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
