im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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