you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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