Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
