U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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