The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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