If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
