I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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