if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
