He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
