Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
