For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
