Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
