can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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