Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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