I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
