just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
