i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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