If that was your dad, he is hot
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
