I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
