my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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