just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
