He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
