He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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