nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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