I will die if light touches me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
