You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
