Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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