i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
