I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
