do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
