So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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