So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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